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Tales From the Crib: Month 22

18 Jul

22 months

Gooooing to the chapel and I’m goooona get mar-ar-ar-ied…

That’s right! It was super wedding month!  This past weekend, I got married. I walked down the aisle and everything.

matty wedding


Not sure why Uncle Moose is in the picture with Aunt Amy, but I think we can all agree that everyone came to see me.  Though, I’m still waiting on all those shiny presents to be delivered to my house. Weird.

Friday was the Rehearsal, or as I like to call it, Run-Around-the-Church-Eating-Snacks time.

matty rehearsal

Then we went to fancy restaurant, and I got a fancy pizza and ate fancy bread, and dressed all fancy, too.  We didn’t get done until like 9:00. We stayed in a hotel, where I got my very own Big Bed! By the time we checked in, I was very tired, jumped in the bed, pulled up the blanket, and went right to sleep all by myself.  Yes, yes, I know–I’m amazing.

The next day was WEDDING DAY!  Finally, the day I’ve been waiting for my whole life all week (I asked Mommy every morning if was time to go to Grandma’s and go to church with Amy).  Mommy and Daddy and me were all in the wedding, so it was a bit chaotic getting everyone ready and to the church. But all went swimmingly.  Mommy and Daddy got to ride in the Limo (pretty much the coolest car I’ve ever seen), and I got to ride in Grandpa’s car (the second coolest car I’ve ever seen).  After pictures in the park (seriously, can weddings get any better?!), it was time to walk down the aisle…

“I pee pee potty!”  Mwahaha.  Leave it to me to have perfect timing.  Mommy told me to just go in my diaper (I thought she threw all of those away, but apparently I was mistaken), and I’m pretty sure she caused years of irreparable damage. Then I got to sit with Aunt Nancy.  She’s warm and snuggly and fun and has cookies shaped like little animals hidden in her purse–I mean, where has this woman been my whole life?!  Together, we made it through the entire wedding (a 7:00 pm Catholic wedding), and it was on to the reception!

I danced the night away. No seriously.  We stayed until midnight.  If anyone has pictures, please send them.  I was so cake-drunk I don’t remember what went down.  So ladies, if I offended you in any way or tried to hit you up for a quick drink of milk, I apologize.

Of course, I was up bright and early at 6:30 the next morning ready for the day.  Mommy and Daddy look like the cast of The Walking Dead. I know that wasn’t juice in your cup, Mom. You brought it on yourself.

Of course, not everything revolved around the wedding this month.  It also revolved around rain. And cupcakes (which are wedding related, so…). And words. Vocabulary explosion!

Favorite Words and Phrases

  • More cupcake? (Thank you bridal showers!)
  • NO! (Even when I mean “yes”)
  • Whatchoo gots?
  • Ooooh, what’s Mommy GOTS?!
  • Oh, no!
  • Hi, Mommy. Hi, Daddy or just your basic Hi…for no reason…
  • Come on, Dada! Racecars. Vroom!
  • Mommy, come on!
  • Let’s go, Mommy.
  • Kitty eat! Kitty eeeeeeeat!
  • No, drive car! (I like to yell this when we pull in the driveway to come home.)
  • Wake up, Mommy. Eat bredfast.
  • Uh, huh, I do.
  • Oh, no. Poop poop!
  • Pay Kinel? (Play Kindle.  I’m a touch-screen genius). And the follow up, more games!
  • Oh, no! Neighmor’s car?! (Our neighbor leaves a lot and I like to keep track of his whereabouts out the window.)
  • Counting to 10 in English and Spanish.  Yep, finally got it down. Well, sometimes “yellow” still makes it in there…

As you can see, I’m very excited and a bit dramatic.  I get the best of both parents–I’ll let you decide which is which. There’s actually not much I don’t say.  I’ve mastered plurals (two apples?), and possessives (Mommy’s car!).

Monthly Photo Round- Up

I caught my first fish…then screamed “no!!!! fish in drink” All water is called drink. Did you not know this?

There was lots of “pay dibble dibble dopp” (play in the rain). Have you not read Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?

The good news is that I’m no longer afraid of my rain boots.

Mommy has also decided it’s time for me and Daddy to spend more quality time together.  So we lift weights.  Well, Daddy lifts weights, I lift canned goods.

Please ignore my beer milk gut. I’m working on it.

Tales From the Crib: Month 21

19 Jun

21 months

Uno, dos, tres, cah-tro, seis, siete, oh-no, nueve, dies!

That’s right  folks, I can count in Spanish. My Aunt Amy taught me that, or at least that’s what I tell Mommy.  Can you please verify my statements, Aunt Amy?

Oh, and you want to hear my English counting?

Two, two, tree, sex, eighteen, five, nine, ten, twelve, twenty! Mommy taught me that.  Perhaps we should have a conversation about who’s the better teacher?

I’m quite the playground sensation.

I also know some letters:

A (for Amy)
B (for ball)
C (cat)
D (Daddy!)
G (Grandpa)
M (Mommy)
P (for poop)
S (for snake)

You know, all the important letters.  Last night, Daddy even tried to sneak one past me and spell “ice cream”, and I yelled “CREAM”!  Not that I really knew all the letters, I just know that when Daddy starts spelling stuff, it usually involves an ice cream stop.

Speaking of Daddy, Mommy made the mistake of sending him out for more bubbles.  Daddy bought this instead.

Of course, Daddy doesn’t understand the delicate mindset of a toddler.  Oh sure, the “bub shene” is fun, but it will not curtail my endless requests for “bwow bub”.  A machine cannot replace human interaction, Dad.

Grandpa understands this.  Grandpa gets me.

So sorry to bore you with our little park adventure, Dad.

But, um, someone needs to tell Grandpa “we don’t throw rocks.”  He’s trying to get me in trouble.

Ummm…P.S. I suffered through another haircut.  It was very traumatic this time.  Especially since I flailed and cried so much it didn’t get done.  Mommy calls it the crooked-Frankenstein look.  I’m in desperate need of a stylist if anyone has a recommendation.  All I can say? Don’t mention haircut, hair, cut, or scissors in my presence.  It will result in teardrops.

Tales From the Crib: Month 20

23 May


20? 20?! I’m in the “2’s”, which means my birthday must not be too far away, right? Can someone please ensure that there’s real cake this year? Preferably of the chocolate variety.

I’ve been working really hard this month.

First, I had to teach Daddy how to mow the grass.

Then I had to help Mommy get ready for the garage sale.

Then I had to teach Daddy how to measure TWICE, cut ONCE.

Then I  taught Mommy how to put makeup on.

And finally, I had to teach Daddy how to drive.  About time someone did that.

Thankfully, he learned quick. Fast like racecar, Dad. Fast. Like. Racecar.

Things I Like:

  • Going to “Wowes” to get “toos” and “tune tunes” (go to Lowe’s to get tools and petunias)
  • Getting gas in the car
  • “Rrrrow Rrrrow”. (Row, Row, Row Your Boat)
  • Pushing the “beeton” (garage door opener) when we leave or come home
  • “ahhhce” (ice)
  • Getting naked. The living room, Grandma’s, the front yard, the store…makes no difference to my happy, naked tushy.
  • Talking. About everything and about nothing. Quite philosophical, no?  Before bedtime, I like to take a few (or 20) minutes to give a recap of my day.
  • Going potty. But only on Tuesday, Thursdays, and every other Friday.  Sometimes I go on Monday nights, just to spice things up a bit.  I like when Daddy takes me potty. Let’s just say chaos ensues and Mommy gets called in for reinforcement.
  • KIDS!  Sometimes the older kids in the neighborhood come to play with me.  They don’t stay long.  Apparently I’m not good company.  Don’t worry, I chase them down the street, much to Mommy’s exasperation.
  • Blocks! I did it all by myself.  Then I went to get Mommy to show her, and she accidentally slipped on the rug and they all fell down and I cried.  I was saving them for Daddy to see. ;(

I’m also very happy to finally get outside and meet my dear old friend, Mr. Hose.  Unfortunately, there’s been a Great Fence-In Project of 2013 which has kept me gated to my own abode.  Escape plans in progress, stay tuned…

P.S. Looking at this post, you would assume I spend all day with Daddy, and not Mommy.  So what do Mommy and I do all day?

This. We do this.

Tales From the Crib: Month 19

18 Apr

month 19

Puke & Poop. Poop & Puke. That about sums up my month.  See you next month! Laters, baby.

Just kidding! April Fools! Did I get you? Don’t worry, I have lots more to share.  It’s true most of my month was about puke and poop though.

I got sicky.  Like super puke sicky. At Grandma’s.  I was going to stay there all night while Mommy and Daddy shampooed the carpets and did “house stuff”.  And juuuuust when they got done, I threw up on Grandma.  So Mommy and Daddy came back to get me.

So obviously I threw up all over the carpets (you saw that coming, right?). And my carseat. And Mommy.  Daddy was worthless help.  Mommy asked for a towel, and Daddy stood up, stretched, took a drink of coffee, and meandered to get a towel, then came back with a shirt asking “will this work?”  I thought he might die in that moment. He did take care of the car puke, though, so I think he got some super-daddy points back.

Then of course Mommy got sicky.  She puked. Fever. Chills. There was no milk for like 24 hours.  I’m traumatized (and back to nursing 12 times/day, yay!).  Mommies aren’t supposed to be weak.  She couldn’t even cook me breakfast.  So Daddy, being the big help that he is, called in reinforcements.  Grandma & Grandpa!  That’s right, Daddy went to work and I sat on the floor eating stale goldfish crackers from under the couch for three hours while I waited for Grandma.  (I’m surprised Daddy is still alive).  So Grandma picked me up, and I got to spend the next day with Aunt Amy.  We took her doggy to the doctor. It was so fun.

Then Mommy picked me up the next day.  We’re up to 800 miles in 4 days, people.  I think we need to move.  Do you hear me Daddy’s Work Boss? Moooooove.

Oh, and did I mention my sickness came down Easter weekend?

Fear not, the Easter Bunny fears no puke and came anyway.

Easter morning

easter morning 2

So we’ve covered the puke.  Where’s the poop come in, you may be asking.

That’s right. I’m potty trained. Well. I was. For like a whole week (that’s like years in toddler time, btw).  Until the whole sickness thing went down.  Now, I’m not going anywhere near that room.  There’s Mommy-puke in there.  Apparently, I’m not allowed to wear my “Daddy pants” if I don’t go in the potty, so we’re at quite the impasse.  I fear Mommy may win this battle.

Anywho. On to the fun stuff. Did you know my Aunt Amy is getting married? She is.  I get to be in the wedding.  I think it’s going to be much like this.

There was a bridal shower for her.  I wasn’t supposed to go, but surprise surprise, I wasn’t feeling well, so I got to stay with Mommy.  We were only going to stop by for an hour, but we stayed for 4 hours! I totally know how to party likes it’s 1999.


You want to know what else is fun?  The big bed!

That’s right ladies and gents, I have found my way back to the big bed.  Marathon nursing and the big bed…ahhhh, it feels good to reclaim some of my youth.  And this folks, is a battle Mommy isn’t going to win.

The Score

Mommy: 1
Matty: 1
Daddy: just happy to have not been killed during The Great Sickness of 2013

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