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Like Mother, Like Son

4 Aug

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know when you planned me, you had wonderful visions of your genes melting together into a beautiful symphony of academic achievement, workplace domination, and mild-mannered bliss.  Instead, I fear it’s a cacophony of shenanigans.  Couldn’t you have at least ensured I missed out on Mommy’s ridiculous facial expressions?  I blame you, Father. I blame you.

Sincerely,

Matthew (the disappointed one)

Happy Monday!

Tales From the Crib: Month 22

18 Jul

22 months

Gooooing to the chapel and I’m goooona get mar-ar-ar-ied…

That’s right! It was super wedding month!  This past weekend, I got married. I walked down the aisle and everything.

matty wedding

amywedding

Not sure why Uncle Moose is in the picture with Aunt Amy, but I think we can all agree that everyone came to see me.  Though, I’m still waiting on all those shiny presents to be delivered to my house. Weird.

Friday was the Rehearsal, or as I like to call it, Run-Around-the-Church-Eating-Snacks time.

matty rehearsal

Then we went to fancy restaurant, and I got a fancy pizza and ate fancy bread, and dressed all fancy, too.  We didn’t get done until like 9:00. We stayed in a hotel, where I got my very own Big Bed! By the time we checked in, I was very tired, jumped in the bed, pulled up the blanket, and went right to sleep all by myself.  Yes, yes, I know–I’m amazing.

The next day was WEDDING DAY!  Finally, the day I’ve been waiting for my whole life all week (I asked Mommy every morning if was time to go to Grandma’s and go to church with Amy).  Mommy and Daddy and me were all in the wedding, so it was a bit chaotic getting everyone ready and to the church. But all went swimmingly.  Mommy and Daddy got to ride in the Limo (pretty much the coolest car I’ve ever seen), and I got to ride in Grandpa’s car (the second coolest car I’ve ever seen).  After pictures in the park (seriously, can weddings get any better?!), it was time to walk down the aisle…

“I pee pee potty!”  Mwahaha.  Leave it to me to have perfect timing.  Mommy told me to just go in my diaper (I thought she threw all of those away, but apparently I was mistaken), and I’m pretty sure she caused years of irreparable damage. Then I got to sit with Aunt Nancy.  She’s warm and snuggly and fun and has cookies shaped like little animals hidden in her purse–I mean, where has this woman been my whole life?!  Together, we made it through the entire wedding (a 7:00 pm Catholic wedding), and it was on to the reception!

I danced the night away. No seriously.  We stayed until midnight.  If anyone has pictures, please send them.  I was so cake-drunk I don’t remember what went down.  So ladies, if I offended you in any way or tried to hit you up for a quick drink of milk, I apologize.

Of course, I was up bright and early at 6:30 the next morning ready for the day.  Mommy and Daddy look like the cast of The Walking Dead. I know that wasn’t juice in your cup, Mom. You brought it on yourself.

Of course, not everything revolved around the wedding this month.  It also revolved around rain. And cupcakes (which are wedding related, so…). And words. Vocabulary explosion!

Favorite Words and Phrases

  • More cupcake? (Thank you bridal showers!)
  • NO! (Even when I mean “yes”)
  • Whatchoo gots?
  • Ooooh, what’s Mommy GOTS?!
  • Oh, no!
  • Hi, Mommy. Hi, Daddy or just your basic Hi…for no reason…
  • Come on, Dada! Racecars. Vroom!
  • Mommy, come on!
  • Let’s go, Mommy.
  • Kitty eat! Kitty eeeeeeeat!
  • No, drive car! (I like to yell this when we pull in the driveway to come home.)
  • Wake up, Mommy. Eat bredfast.
  • Uh, huh, I do.
  • Oh, no. Poop poop!
  • Pay Kinel? (Play Kindle.  I’m a touch-screen genius). And the follow up, more games!
  • Oh, no! Neighmor’s car?! (Our neighbor leaves a lot and I like to keep track of his whereabouts out the window.)
  • Counting to 10 in English and Spanish.  Yep, finally got it down. Well, sometimes “yellow” still makes it in there…

As you can see, I’m very excited and a bit dramatic.  I get the best of both parents–I’ll let you decide which is which. There’s actually not much I don’t say.  I’ve mastered plurals (two apples?), and possessives (Mommy’s car!).

Monthly Photo Round- Up

I caught my first fish…then screamed “no!!!! fish in drink” All water is called drink. Did you not know this?

There was lots of “pay dibble dibble dopp” (play in the rain). Have you not read Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?

The good news is that I’m no longer afraid of my rain boots.

Mommy has also decided it’s time for me and Daddy to spend more quality time together.  So we lift weights.  Well, Daddy lifts weights, I lift canned goods.

Please ignore my beer milk gut. I’m working on it.

Baseball

4 Jul

Happy Independence Day, Everyone!  We’re having a day filled with grilling, festivals, and other pre-approved shenanigans.

And baseball. What could be more American than baseball?

Daddy taught me the great American past-time of baseball.

Here’s how you play:

1. Jab baseball with the tip of the bat

2. Get corrected by Fun Police

3. Swing (with all your might)

4. Swing softer. Hit a foul.

5. Spin with glee. Or boredom. Same thing.

6. Take a break to collect pinecones and dandelions.

7. Disassemble tee and use the top as a faux shop-vac.  Sweep yard.  Watch Daddy hang head in defeat.

Look at me, all ready for Little League.  I’ll fit in great, no?

Happy Freedom Day, ‘Murica!

Tales From the Crib: Month 21

19 Jun

21 months

Uno, dos, tres, cah-tro, seis, siete, oh-no, nueve, dies!

That’s right  folks, I can count in Spanish. My Aunt Amy taught me that, or at least that’s what I tell Mommy.  Can you please verify my statements, Aunt Amy?

Oh, and you want to hear my English counting?

Two, two, tree, sex, eighteen, five, nine, ten, twelve, twenty! Mommy taught me that.  Perhaps we should have a conversation about who’s the better teacher?

I’m quite the playground sensation.

I also know some letters:

A (for Amy)
B (for ball)
C (cat)
D (Daddy!)
G (Grandpa)
M (Mommy)
P (for poop)
S (for snake)

You know, all the important letters.  Last night, Daddy even tried to sneak one past me and spell “ice cream”, and I yelled “CREAM”!  Not that I really knew all the letters, I just know that when Daddy starts spelling stuff, it usually involves an ice cream stop.

Speaking of Daddy, Mommy made the mistake of sending him out for more bubbles.  Daddy bought this instead.

Of course, Daddy doesn’t understand the delicate mindset of a toddler.  Oh sure, the “bub shene” is fun, but it will not curtail my endless requests for “bwow bub”.  A machine cannot replace human interaction, Dad.

Grandpa understands this.  Grandpa gets me.

So sorry to bore you with our little park adventure, Dad.

But, um, someone needs to tell Grandpa “we don’t throw rocks.”  He’s trying to get me in trouble.

Ummm…P.S. I suffered through another haircut.  It was very traumatic this time.  Especially since I flailed and cried so much it didn’t get done.  Mommy calls it the crooked-Frankenstein look.  I’m in desperate need of a stylist if anyone has a recommendation.  All I can say? Don’t mention haircut, hair, cut, or scissors in my presence.  It will result in teardrops.

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