Dear Mom and Dad,
I know when you planned me, you had wonderful visions of your genes melting together into a beautiful symphony of academic achievement, workplace domination, and mild-mannered bliss. Instead, I fear it’s a cacophony of shenanigans. Couldn’t you have at least ensured I missed out on Mommy’s ridiculous facial expressions? I blame you, Father. I blame you.
Matthew (the disappointed one)