Puke & Poop. Poop & Puke. That about sums up my month. See you next month! Laters, baby.
Just kidding! April Fools! Did I get you? Don’t worry, I have lots more to share. It’s true most of my month was about puke and poop though.
I got sicky. Like super puke sicky. At Grandma’s. I was going to stay there all night while Mommy and Daddy shampooed the carpets and did “house stuff”. And juuuuust when they got done, I threw up on Grandma. So Mommy and Daddy came back to get me.
So obviously I threw up all over the carpets (you saw that coming, right?). And my carseat. And Mommy. Daddy was worthless help. Mommy asked for a towel, and Daddy stood up, stretched, took a drink of coffee, and meandered to get a towel, then came back with a shirt asking “will this work?” I thought he might die in that moment. He did take care of the car puke, though, so I think he got some super-daddy points back.
Then of course Mommy got sicky. She puked. Fever. Chills. There was no milk for like 24 hours. I’m traumatized (and back to nursing 12 times/day, yay!). Mommies aren’t supposed to be weak. She couldn’t even cook me breakfast. So Daddy, being the big help that he is, called in reinforcements. Grandma & Grandpa! That’s right, Daddy went to work and I sat on the floor eating stale goldfish crackers from under the couch for three hours while I waited for Grandma. (I’m surprised Daddy is still alive). So Grandma picked me up, and I got to spend the next day with Aunt Amy. We took her doggy to the doctor. It was so fun.
Then Mommy picked me up the next day. We’re up to 800 miles in 4 days, people. I think we need to move. Do you hear me Daddy’s Work Boss? Moooooove.
Oh, and did I mention my sickness came down Easter weekend?
Fear not, the Easter Bunny fears no puke and came anyway.
So we’ve covered the puke. Where’s the poop come in, you may be asking.
That’s right. I’m potty trained. Well. I was. For like a whole week (that’s like years in toddler time, btw). Until the whole sickness thing went down. Now, I’m not going anywhere near that room. There’s Mommy-puke in there. Apparently, I’m not allowed to wear my “Daddy pants” if I don’t go in the potty, so we’re at quite the impasse. I fear Mommy may win this battle.
Anywho. On to the fun stuff. Did you know my Aunt Amy is getting married? She is. I get to be in the wedding. I think it’s going to be much like this.
There was a bridal shower for her. I wasn’t supposed to go, but surprise surprise, I wasn’t feeling well, so I got to stay with Mommy. We were only going to stop by for an hour, but we stayed for 4 hours! I totally know how to party likes it’s 1999.
You want to know what else is fun? The big bed!
That’s right ladies and gents, I have found my way back to the big bed. Marathon nursing and the big bed…ahhhh, it feels good to reclaim some of my youth. And this folks, is a battle Mommy isn’t going to win.
Daddy: just happy to have not been killed during The Great Sickness of 2013