Wow. It’s my half birthday. Apparently, some kids get cake or even a whole party to celebrate such a momentous occasion. Me? Nope. I got stale spinach cupcakes.
Well, that’s not totally fair. I did get to go to a birthday party this weekend for my friend, Kat. Not to be confused with my friend, cat. There was decorations, and chips, and cake (three different kinds!), and kids, and karaoke. Did I mention cake?
Besides the cake, this has been a ridiculous month. Everybody got sick. ( but yay for sicky chairs and juice!)
The weather has been completely yucky (but yay for snow bunnies!)
I was trapped indoors playing with a balloon Monkey while Mommy zoned out watching Downton Abbey. #screwyoudanstevens
And I learned the job of Naked Cowboy has already been taken.
We did take a break from our sickness and grouchiness to attend a special event in town. The Lima Symphony Orchestra does an event once a month called Kids Fest. String quartet…at the library…with kiddie instruments…and stickers. Good times.
So besides my obvious dancing skillz, what else am I up to? Well, I’m so glad you asked.
- “Pop Pop” (Grandpa). Sorry, Grandma, but you’re no longer my favorite grandparent. No offense, and I’ll still eat your cookies, but Grandpa is one super guy.
- Daddy. Daddy ranks right below Mommy, but above Grandpa. Daddy lets me Skype and play iPad piano whenever I want.
- Peeing. More specifically, peeing on the potty. I’m getting really good about telling Mommy when I need to go. Like today, I went FIVE times after telling Mommy I needed to go. It’s our compromise. If I want to throw stuff in the toilet (tp), flush, and play in the water (wash my hands), I have to pee in the potty first. Fair enough, Mother. Fair enough.
- Kitties. I get really, really mad when they won’t play with me, sit in my lap, or take a nap in my bed. I love to give them “teets” (treats), and I remind Mommy first thing every morning that we need to “eat Keeties” (feed Kitties).
- Talking. I talk a lot. Sometimes it’s real words. Sometimes not so much. But I do know lots and lots of words. Very important words like, “cupcek” (cupcake), “don” (donut), and “cokcok” (chocolate). Does a toddler need any other words? And sentences. Most start with “I want”…
- Milk. The Mommy kind, of course. I’m a growing kid, what can I say? Mommy thought we’d be done by now, but NEVER. Never, ever, ever. Like ever. #TaylorSwiftshoutout
- Books. We get lots of books from the library, and Mommy even made me another book. It’s titled M is Not for Daddy. It’s an alphabet book, with a twist. Be on the lookout for this obvious New York Time’s Best Seller.
- Letters. I know “D”, “M”, “G”, and “S”. S for snake, or course.
- Counting. 1, 2, 2, 6. Don’t judge. At least I understand the concept of “two”.
- Storytime and Gymnastics.
- Crayons. But only the “bwue” (blue) and white ones.
- Bread. “Toost” (toast). Ooh, and sandwiches. Sandwiches are tasty.
- Macaroni and Cheese. Only if it comes from Panera.
- Spaghetti. Only if it has chili and cheese (Skyline, holla!).
- Cashews and Sunflower Seeds.
- Bumblebees. “Boombees”. If I say “boombee”, Mommy chases me around the house yelling Buzz. Fun times, I tell ya.
So, yeah. Between the sickness and my obvious over-the-top energy level, Mommy and Daddy have instituted a once/month break. From me. I don’t even have words to express my dissatisfaction with this arrangement. This month, Mommy and Daddy slowly drove by Grandma’s house, tossed me out the driveway with a knapsack over my shoulder, and sped away to a hotel for the night. Okay, okay, they may have properly dropped me off, but they were out of there speedy-quick. At least I got the last laugh…Mommy forgot the breast pump and spent the next two days engorged. Mwahaha.