Tales From the Crib: Week 48

25 Aug

This has totally been the busiest week of my WHOLE life.


Work, work, work. Clean, clean, clean.  Getting ready for guests, I think.  Fall asleep at 10:15 pm waiting on suspected guests.


Wake up to find 3 hooligan children with their grubby hands on my toys and sleeping in my room.  Strange man in my bathroom. Pregnant woman eating at my table.  Find out it’s family. Must play nice.  Have lots of fun until the little one touches my car.  Game on, Cuz, game on.


Pack, pack, pack. Long car drive. Grandma’s house! Barking dogs. Skittish cats. Crazy Aunt Amy. Too excited to sleep.

(It wasn’t me, Grandpa. I swear. Aunt Amy is framing me.)


Wait. Where’d everybody go? Mommy? Daddy? Are you coming back for me? It’s been 1…2…3…4…5…6 hours! Hours! Grandma said something about racecars. Daddy? Daddy, did you drive racecars without me?

Drive, drive, drive. Back home. Long car ride.  Listen to Daddy talk about how much fun he had without me.  Eat Daddy’s certificate that pronounces him King of the Universe, aka Mr. Set the Record for the Day: 162.27 mph…whatever.


Errands, errands, errands. Grocery shopping. Birthday present shopping. Cleaning. Dinner with Daddy’s workfolk. I may or may not have been a total handful mess of a crankster (except for at dinner, of course.  I have a reputation to uphold.)


Oh, not this AGAIN. Mommy is off to work. I’m dropped off–in MY SLEEP–to the babysitter.  Mommy better be glad it was Aunt Mandy and Uncle Brad and Puppy Roxie’s house or I would have snapped.  Play, play, play.  Off to the Fair! Refuse all crapt fair food. Whine a bit out of hunger. Run, run, run through the grandstands.  Run, run, run through the crowds.  Look at the crazy goats.  Ride a horsey. Ride the carousel. Run, run, run.

(I found some big kids and some goldfish to play with.)

(Oh, God. I’m turning into my Mother.)


Drive, drive, drive to Grandma’s.  Ham it up for the quilting ladies.  Play, play, play. Terrorize the pets. Run, run, run.


Wake up at 6:30 am to barking dog–shout “DOG!” in Mommy’s ear. Pee on Grandma’s carpet while freaking out about a diaper change.  ZOOOOOOOOO! Run, run, run, run, run.  Kick the stroller. Refuse all attempts of stroller. Run, run, run, run, run.  Refuse all attempts at being held.  Run, run, run, run, run.  Touch a snake! Run, run, run, run, run.  Get taken home early. No idea why…


(Oh, I’ll be an animal.  A crazed baboon perhaps.)

There was an unfortunate pants incident involving a hand-washing station, mulch, and a public restroom floor.  I don’t want to talk about it.

Impromptu playdate! I taught him how to play in the dog water. He showed me his Daddy’s toy car.  It was all love-at-first-sight until he touched my car.

Drive, drive, drive back home.

I need a vacation.

Whhhhhaaaaat’s Uuuuupppp?

4 Responses to “Tales From the Crib: Week 48”

  1. Pam & Todd August 26, 2012 at 2:24 pm #

    May have been worst day in your life, but was, I think, the Best of the Best and most entertaining to date 🙂

    • Ashley Niehaus August 26, 2012 at 8:45 pm #

      Thanks, guys! I’m learning more about writing style in my old age.

  2. Judi October 20, 2012 at 2:32 am #

    Very interesting details you have noted, regards for posting.


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