Tales From the Crib: Week 42

17 Jul

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!  (Yeah, yeah. I’m  a little late on that one, too.)

The U.S. is 236 years old.  That’s so old.  That’s older than even Grandpa.  And apparently we celebrate life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness by grilling out and setting things on fire and watching them explode.  Life is so hard to understand sometimes.  Since Daddy had to work (of course he did) and I felt a little skittish about watching things explode, we chose to celebrate with a more family-friendly option–the St. Joe’s Festival in Wapak.  We were going to go earlier to watch the parade, but umm..get this, Daddy was LATE! Didn’t see that one coming, did ya?

(I can’t believe you made us miss the parade, Dad!)

First, we went to the kid’s games. Ducks! Ducks! They had ducks! Duccccckkkkies!

I LOVE ducks. Did you know that? I do.  They’re my favorite.  I have lots of rubber duckies at home, so Mommy wouldn’t let me get another one.  So I had to put the duck back and I got a bucket and shovel instead.  Unfair trade, Mom. Unfair trade.

Then, we played piggy races.

Look at my face, THAT is how I felt about the pig races.  Mommy and Daddy thought it was great fun, though.

Mommy’s piggy even won!  She got me a jar of bubbles for being a good sport.

After that, Mommy got a sno-cone and we headed home.  It was 103 degrees.  Need I say more?  Mommy was going to share her sno-cone with me, but I didn’t want any. I said, “Come on, Mom. It’s got Red 40.  I can’t believe you’re eating that crapt.”  She felt ashamed.

On the way home, we saw this.

Yes, that’s a flatbed truck with fire hydrants.  Nothing special…move along, people.  Apparently, it is special though. Because my parents, you know, those people who are entrusted with my life and development, decided to get off the highway, circle through a town, get back on the highway, and speed up just to get a picture of this.  Apparently I made a mistake and checked the “Weirdo” box when signing up for parental units.

Speaking of weirdos…

I really wish I could blame this monstrosity of a toy on Daddy, but alas, it was Mommy.  Maybe this is what happens when sleep-deprived Mommies are left alone to wander Menards’ Clearance section on Saturday afternoons.  I guess it wouldn’t have been so bad, but here’s what happened:

1. It was still 100 freakin’ degrees outside.
2. Daddy blew it up with the airhose, which scared the bejeezus out of me.
3. Daddy filled it up with the hose…then plopped me in it.
4. I began screaming bloody-murder because it was frickin’ freezing, and Daddy didn’t know what was wrong, so he stood there waiting on Mommy to come back outside before anyone got me out of the frigid water.  And where was Mommy during all this? In the house getting buckets of warm water.  At least one of my parental units understands child welfare, but lack of communication guys, lack of communication.
5. It’s got a sprinkler in the back, and Daddy turned it ALL THE WAY UP, drenching me with arctic droplets (and scaring the bejeezus out of me).

I’m sure it will be pretty fun once I warm up to it (hehe), especially since it came with inflatable swords and shields.  Apparently it gets to come inside this winter and get filled with balls.

Anybody want to come play Arctic Castle Knights in 100 Degree Weather with me?  Weirdo, parents.

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